I Know Better
by angel85qcca
Summary: Set during S04E09 episode The Witches of Bushwick. Nate mistakenly kisses Jenny for the second time at a masquerade party, thinking she is Serena. Only this time, he knows better.
1. Chapter 1

Set during S04E09 episode The Witches of Bushwick. Nate mistakenly kisses Jenny for the second time at a masquerade party, thinking she is Serena. Only this time, he knows better.

**Part 1**

Something was wrong, Nate could tell. She looked like Serena and she smelled like Serena, but it didn't feel like her. It felt like...

"Jenny!" Nate called. The girl paused for a split second before continuing to walk away from him. Their whole plan would be ruined if she gave away who she was. She needed this to work; she needed to come back to New York City.

She did her best not to look behind her, which is why she didn't know he was too close until it was too late: he'd turned her around and ripped off her mask before she could even realise it was happening.

Nate looked at her, confused, then quickly looked around to make sure no one had seen her. He gave her the mask back and she put it on before a dragged her away to the elevator. As soon as she saw where they were headed, Jenny stopped. Nate pulled on her arm, but she resisted.

"Please, Nate, I can't go up there," she talked quietly with desperation in her voice. Nate had seen her be many things, but desperate had never been one of them. She could be defiant, vulnerable, angry, sad, or scheming, but desperate? He didn't know how to feel about that, but a voice in his head reminded him of everything she'd done recently, and he didn't know if she deserved his compassion.

"You want to do this here in front of everybody? That's fine with me! What are you doing here, Jenny?" Nate asked.

She looked down, unable to answer him. She knew if she did, she would end up spilling everything to him and she couldn't do that to Vanessa and Juliet.

"Are you in the middle of some kind of plan again? I swear Jenny, if you are..."

"So what if I am? What am I, some kind of doormat? People can hurt me, ban me out of this town but I can't do anything about it? Do you know what this has been like for me, Nate, the hell that I've been going through? I can't come visit my family, my mother doesn't really want me to be there, and I lost some of my best friends, including you, by the way. And for what? Because I felt so alone and abandoned that I slept with Chuck? Tell me, what's so unforgivable about that?"

Nate felt like she'd punched him in the chest and he'd run out of air. He knew, of course, that Jenny and Chuck had slept together, all of the Upper East Side did. But hearing her say it out loud like that, it did things to him he hadn't expected. When he didn't say anything, Jenny turned around to walk away. He grabbed her arm again to keep her from leaving, but it was different this time, more gentle. She looked back at him but Nate couldn't tell what she was feeling because he couldn't see her face with that stupid mask on.

"Let's talk about this. Like adults. Just please, call off whatever you're planning," Nate begged, and Jenny sighed.

"I can't, Nate, it's too late. Besides, I'm not sure I want to," Jenny said.

"If it's going to hurt my friends, Jenny, it'll hurt me too. Please, do it for me."

She looked down again and took out her cell phone. She texted both Juliet and Vanessa.

"I can't guarantee what happens from now on," she said.

"I know," Nate replied, "but thanks. Let's go somewhere we can talk more privately, now." He tugged at her arm again to take her to the elevators, but she resisted.

"I can't go up there, I told you," she said, referring to Chuck and Nate's penthouse. Nate ran his hand through his hair, feeling like a jerk for offering to take her to the place that held such an awful memory for her.

"Come on," he said, and he led them outside. There was a cab waiting there and Nate opened the door, gesturing for Jenny to get in first. Nate told the driver the address of his apartment and they rode in silence for a while.

"Can't you take your mask off, please?" Nate asked. He wanted to see her face, see her eyes, to know what she was feeling. Jenny took the mask off slowly, and Nate noticed she didn't have on any of the heavy makeup she usually did. Her natural beauty always did something to him, something he couldn't define. He liked her most when she was bared of all those useless accessories, which was one of the reasons why he had loved living with the Humphreys for that little while. He got to see her first thing in the morning, when there was still sleep in her eyes and her defences weren't up yet. She was just Jenny, a daughter, a sister, a friend. She laughed more easily when she didn't have makeup on, he noticed. He knew it was weird, but that was Jenny.

Jenny didn't know how to feel anymore. One of the reasons she regretted leaving the Upper East Side so much was that she didn't get to hang out with Nate anymore. Even during the times when they weren't close, she would at least get to run into him every once in a while. And now, sitting in that cab, her senses were overwhelmed by him. His smell, the feel of his leg pressed against hers, the sound of his breathing. She burned the moment in her memory knowing that whatever would happen, she and Nate would never be together. He could never have feelings for her after what she had done.

She thought, after she slept with Chuck, that she would be able to forget about Nate. Not because she had any feelings for Chuck, but because it meant that Nate would never forgive her. She figured if she trashed all her chances with him, she'd be able to convince herself to move on because she had no choice. However, it turned out she'd been wrong. Sleeping with Chuck had only made her feeling for Nate stronger. She realised how much it hurt her to hurt him, and it proved impossible for her to accept that she had no chance of ever being with him again. She had thought just being his friend was too difficult, but she had no idea then how much it hurt not to be in his life at all. Now she knew, and it seemed to be all she thought about. When she would lie awake at night she'd relive all their precious moments together, and even though it seemed like it hurt more every day, she couldn't bring herself to forget about him and move on. His mark on her heart was indelible, and she was slowly beginning to accept that she'd never be over him.

They didn't speak for the rest of the cab ride.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks to those who commented on the first part of the story. Here is the second part. The third one's not written yet and the weekend will probably be busy, so you'll have to wait until next week ;) Also, I'm looking for a beta, if anyone's interested. Thanks!

**Part 2**

They didn't say anything else for the rest of the cab ride, or on the elevator ride to his floor. When they walked in, she immediately went to the window without turning on any of the lights. She loved the view from his apartment, especially at night. It made her feel as though they were in a separate world, completely cut off from everything else that was going on in their lives. She heard Nate take two steps then stop, and she turned around to look at him.

"That dress looks beautiful on you," he said, surprising her. He'd been thinking it during the whole cab ride, and just couldn't keep it in anymore.

"Thanks," she said softly, and hugged herself, feeling a chill. They hadn't had time to grab her coat on their way out of the Empire. Nate cleared his throat.

"You're cold, let me get you something to change into," and he walked over to his bedroom. She followed him and he handed her a pair of sweat pants, a t-shirt and a hoodie. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for himself and left her to change in the bedroom while he went to the bathroom.

When Jenny came out to the living room Nate had turned on the lights and was making coffee. She felt uncomfortable. She didn't know what to say or do, as she and Nate seemed to have lost that ease that used to be between them.

She sat on the couch and Nate brought her a cup of coffee. She whispered a thank you and he sat on the couch, turning around to look at her. The silence was unbearable to her and she looked for something to say, anything, to break it.

"I didn't know you still kept this place," she ended up saying.

"Well, I spend most of my nights at the Empire, but with Chuck around sometimes it gets loud. I like having a quiet place to study and grab a good night's sleep now and then," he replied. She nodded, but didn't say anything back. She took a sip from her coffee, trying to think of something else to say, but nothing came to mind. She knew they'd have to talk seriously about what happened, but she didn't know where to start. Finally, she just decided to jump right in.

"Serena never got your text about your date tonight. We switched out her phone," Jenny blurted out.

"You what? I don't get it, why would you do that?" Nate asked.

"Why not? She treats me like I'm a leper, like I'm the worst person she's ever met. I don't know if you remember, but Serena has done some not-so-great things in her life too. And she's schemed and plotted just like me, but because she's Serena, she gets to stay here, and toy with whoever she wants, while I go rot in Hudson!" Jenny stopped, not because she had nothing else to say, but because the tears were threatening to fall down her cheeks, and she didn't want to cry in front of Nate. He'd seen her cry too many times.

"I don't get it, Jenny," Nate said, "I thought you wanted to leave, that you didn't like the person you'd become, that you wanted to spend time with your Mom."

Jenny got up and walked over to the window once again, turning off the lights on her way in order to see the view better. Nate turned to look at her but didn't say anything. Jenny pressed her hand against the window, feeling the coldness that was seeping in from outside. It was a nice contrast with the warmth of the cup of coffee in her other hand.

"Turns out, Hudson's not so great," Jenny started. She knew she would have to explain everything to Nate, that it was the only way he could understand why she was doing what she was doing. "My Mom was glad to see me at first, but now, I just feel like I'm in her way all the time. She has friends there, artist friends, and a new boyfriend who didn't sign on to be a full-time step-dad. They've started fighting a lot. And school... well, school sucks too. I haven't really made any friends there, and it's... it's too easy." She snorted. "Never thought I'd say that about school! But it's definitely not Constance. There's no drama but there's also no challenge."

She walked back over to the couch, feeling lighter somehow. She'd never told anyone how she felt about being in Hudson. She just wanted everyone to think that she was happy there, that the mistakes she made were all made right by the fact that she was happier somehow. She sat back down on the couch, wondering if she should say what's on her mind next. Her relationship with Nate was so fragile, and she wanted him to really hear her. In the end she decided to speak up because she figured she might never get the chance again.

"I miss you and Dan the most." She looked at Nate and saw that he was surprised.

"Don't look so shocked, we were good friends before I did what I did," she said. She can't say 'before I slept with Chuck.'

"When I see how you both get over Serena, it makes me mad. She doesn't deserve you." Nate starts to say something but she cuts him off, "Please, let me finish. She can never make up her mind about who she wants, and you both follow her around like lost little puppies, hoping for whatever shred of attention she can give you. Don't you want someone who just wants to be with you, Nate? Someone who couldn't even imagine being with anyone else? Whose sole purpose in life would be to make you happy?"

It was Nate's turn to get up and walk over to the window. He was silent for a minute, or maybe more, Jenny couldn't tell, but when he spoke it stole her breath away.

"Are you saying you could be that person, Jenny?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

"Are you saying you could be that person, Jenny?" Nate slowly turned around and looked at Jenny. His blue eyes stood out in the dimmed light of the apartment.

To say Nate was confused would be an understatement. Lost would probably be a more fitting adjective. He knew his feelings for Serena were real, yet Jenny had just made a valid point: he did want someone who only wanted him. And he knew Jenny had feelings for him, that if they were to be together, she'd never leave him for someone else, she'd never be undecided.

"That's not fair, Nate," Jenny replied, "don't make me think we have a chance when I know that we don't. I'm not saying all this so you'll fall into my arms; I just want you to see what I see."

'How does she know me so well?' he thought. "If you're not doing this so we can be together, then I don't get it," Nate said, walking back over to the couch. "What do you want from me?"

"What do I want from you?" Jenny replied, standing up to face him. Their voices weren't soft from confession anymore: they'd moved on to anger. "You're the one who brought me here, what do you want from me?" she asked.

"I don't know!" He raised his hands in the air in a show of confusion.

"I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry, Nate! I'm sorry I ruined our friendship, I'm sorry I ruined Blair and Chuck's relationship, I'm sorry for all the scheming!" It was too late now, too late to stop. The words were coming out of her mouth faster than she could stop them, and so were the tears down her face. "I'm sorry I slept with Chuck, you have no idea! I'm so sorry... The look on my brother's face, he was so disappointed!"

She was crying so hard she couldn't speak anymore. Nate slowly, very slowly, pulled her into his arms in a tight hug. He let her cry and after a while she calmed down enough to stop crying. It felt wonderful to be this close to each other again, and they both took the time to revel in the feeling. She felt completely spent and Nate did too. Her words had hit home: he needed to stop blaming her and start forgiving her.

They pulled apart reluctantly and sat back down on the couch, face to face. Jenny took another sip from her coffee and her hair fell down in front of her eyes. She was surprised when she felt Nate pull it behind her ear. The gesture felt intimate, and her heart beat a little faster.

"Tell me what you want, Jenny," Nate said quietly. If she hadn't been sitting right next to him, she might not have heard him.

She had to hold herself back from yelling a big fat 'You!' While that was ultimately what she wanted, she knew she had no chance of getting it. As long as he was in love with Serena, she knew she couldn't have all of him. So she took a deep breath and told him the next best thing.

"I want to come back. I want us to be friends again."

"Well, I don't know about the first one, but the second one you already have," Nate said. "You're my friend, and even though we've had our ups and downs, I still consider you as such. I don't know if it's worth much right now, but I'm sorry for what I did to you. I should have talked to you instead of plotting against you."

"It's worth a lot, Nate. And I'm sorry too." They both smiled. It felt like the beginning of something new, something good.

However, it didn't take long for Jenny to get back to reality. Sure, she and Nate had made up, but she still had to go back to Hudson. Nate saw the look on her face and immediately reassured her.

"I'll try to arrange it so you can come back." The look on Jenny's face was priceless a mixture of hope and admiration, and Nate felt proud to be the one to put it there.

"How are you going to do that?" she asked.

"Leave the scheming and plotting to me, for once," he said, and they both smiled again. Their eyes held for a moment.

"Okay, now that that's settled, we should get you home," Nate said, breaking the moment.

"It's too late to get a train to Hudson tonight, and my Dad thinks I've left already," Jenny said sheepishly.

"Where does your mom think you are?" Nate asked.

"Spending the night at a friend's," she answered.

"Okay, then, you can take the bedroom, and I'll take the couch." They both smiled again. They were settling back into their old routine and it felt right somehow, like they had never stopped hanging out.

Jenny got up and walked to the bedroom, but halfway there she stopped and turned around.

"Nate?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"How did you know I wasn't Serena at the party?"

"You didn't think I'd make the same mistake twice, did you? I've kissed you, Jenny, really kissed you, and I know what it feels like. I know better now."

**The end

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**A/N: Okay, this is it for this one. I already have a sequel in mind but that won't be right away, maybe in a couple weeks. Thanks for all the comments!**


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